Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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