Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
