You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
