On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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