She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
