I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Someone came in the potted fern
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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