i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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