Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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