please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Randomize
