I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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