FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
