Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
did i walk over a car last night?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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