What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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