so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
