how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
