do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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