i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
