I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize