Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize