just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
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are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
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