I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
