I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
