Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
