While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
