i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
