No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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