I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
