just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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