What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize