i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
