this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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