I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
