my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
