im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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