I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
