I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
