Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
The air taste purple.
Randomize