if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
