theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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