his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
