Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize