what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
