Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
tell me about the fingering
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