You were right. It hurts to walk today.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The power of my boobs compel you
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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