If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
