Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
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I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
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When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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