broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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