woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
