I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
