man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize