he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
