Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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