hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
