i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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