if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
