my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
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apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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