shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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