I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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