If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Randomize
