eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
