How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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