I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize
