Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
