i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
where am i from again
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
